Biblically Speaking: Why a Woman Should Not Go Dutch But Require a Man to Give Gifts

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When a man gives gifts to a woman, he shows love, support, and honor. Going “Dutch” (splitting costs on dates) kind of sends the message: “We are exactly even all the time.” But the Bible calls for more than “even”—it calls for giving, sacrifice, and love that puts the other first. When a man gives, he shows that his heart, his treasure, and his responsibility are toward her.

God created men and women to bless one another. One way men show love is by giving gifts. A gift can be money, food, flowers, jewelry, or trips. When men give, they prove their love and show their heart. Jesus said in Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” If a man loves his wife, he will support her and put her needs before his own. 

Alt tag: #Men pay the bill

Scriptures

• Ephesians 5:25-29 (KJV) — “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; … So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.”    ²⁶That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, ²⁷That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. ²⁸So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. ²⁹For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

         Husbands must love their wives more than themselves. Caring for her is caring for his own life. Do men give themselves gifts and toys?

• Ephesians 5:21 (KJV) — “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.”
  Marriage is about giving to each other with respect and honor.

• John 3:16 (KJV) — “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son…”
  The greatest gift is love. God showed it by giving His Son. Men show it by giving to their wives.

What Psychology Says About Gift-Giving

Here are some psychological facts that align well with this biblical view:

1. “Warm glow” effect — Giving to others activates parts of the brain tied to reward, pleasure, trust, and social bonding. Gift givers often feel joy, satisfaction, and emotional reward. University of Arizona News+2American Psychological Association+2

2. Stronger bonds & trust — Gifts communicate that someone cares, that they have thought of the other. This strengthens the relationship emotionally. It shows selflessness. Moo+2Psychology Today+2

3. Empathy & perspective — Choosing and giving a gift forces one to think about the other person’s desires, feelings, and needs. It pulls attention outward, reducing selfishness. Moo+1

4. Self-worth/esteem — Giving boosts self-esteem. It reminds a person that they are capable of blessing someone else. It gives a sense of purpose and kindness. Sozo Gifts

5. Relational benefits — In couples, acts of kindness and giving (not only gifts but paying, supporting, helping) tend to improve satisfaction in the relationship, reduce conflict, and build long-term trust.  TIME  

Bible Story

In Genesis 24 KJV, when Abraham’s servant found Rebekah for Isaac, he gave her gifts of gold jewelry. These gifts showed that she was honored, valued, and chosen. Isaac later loved her deeply, showing us that giving and love go hand in hand.  

Real-World Example

Think of a husband who works hard but also makes sure his wife is cared for. He may put money aside for her dreams or buy her something meaningful. These gifts prove that his heart and treasure are with her. When he sacrifices for her, it reflects the love Christ has for the church.  

Alt tag: #Why Women Should Allow The Man to Pay the Bill on a Date

Reflection Question

If the greatest gift is love, how can you show it today in both words and actions toward the woman God has placed in your life?  

Benefits of Insisting on This Pattern (Why It Matters)

• Spiritual growth: Giving forces humility and reminds us to be less selfish. It shapes character.

• Demonstrates provision and security: When a man gives or pays, it shows he is willing to support—not only emotionally but practically. This builds trust, security, stability.

• Shows moral leadership: The world often expects equality or sameness; the Bible teaches sacrificial leadership in love. Requiring (in the sense of expecting) a man to give gifts is part of biblical leadership in a relationship.

• Helps the woman feel valued: Gift giving shows appreciation, worth, honor; it reminds her she is loved in a concrete way.

• Psychological health for both: The giver experiences reward in the brain, self-esteem, connection; the receiver experiences love, security, warmth. Both win spiritually and emotionally.

   

Possible Objections & Clarifications

• This doesn’t mean the woman has no financial responsibility or that she must always be passive. It means in a biblically based relationship, the man has the primary role for giving and leading sacrificial love.

• “Giving” is not only about money. Time, service, kindness, encouragement can be gifts. But money and paying are visible signs that often carry weight in culture and psychology.

• Requiring gifts doesn’t mean entitlement in a selfish sense. It means expecting the man to show his heart, carry responsibility, and love sacrificially.

Reflection Question (Deeper)

What areas of your life do you fear sacrifice? How might giving more—time, money, attention—to your wife or someone God has placed in your life reveal your heart toward God?

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Disclosure: Below graphics are not affiliated links. There is nothing to buy. Take the challenge: 45 Days to Learn the Gospel Challenge

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Romans 10:17 KJV  “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” 

Alt tag: #Offer of Salvation John 315 Final

A CALL TO SALVATION:

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

Romans 10:9-10  ⁹That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. ¹⁰For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness, and with the mouth, confession is made unto salvation.

  John 3:5-6  ⁵Jesus answered, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. ⁶That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. ⁷    

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